Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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