I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
