i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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