let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
