Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
