after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
