I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
