This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
