You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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