I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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