life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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