youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
