Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
