please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
