By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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