I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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