I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
