Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
