i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
