ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
