I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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