It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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