It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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