I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
