oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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