I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
