I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
