So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
