if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
