thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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