Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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