know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
