Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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