I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
