end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
