Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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