Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
