fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
