I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
