I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
