So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
