3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
