Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
