My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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