man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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