You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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