remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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