I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
