She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
