Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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