i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
